The Collection

So a little bit of explanation as to what's going on here. These are a collection of poemy things I wrote between 2007-2009. I thought I had lost them forever, but managed to find them on an old site I used to post, so I'm putting them here to keep them safe. Some are bad and others are worse, but whatever, I'm happy now to show you.

---

Let Everyday Be Monday

 

Care
Desire
Flare

Fire

Smiles

Laughter

Forever

After?

Emotion

Pain

Heartache

Strain

Love

Hate

Everything's

Fake

Insecurities

Delusion

Fear

Confusion

Obsession

Violence

Depression

Silence.

 

---

 

Someone I Once Knew

 

The days of laughter that we shared

From the first moment that we paired

No one else could have ever compared

We did all that best friends do.

You'll never know how much I really cared,

He was just someone I once knew

 

A beautifully enigmatic bundle of fun

Wherever you roamed, you were the sun

Friends, is as far as we've ever come

I would have given everything for you.

But you were with another one,

She was just someone I once knew

 

Waltzed through life as free as a bird

Always been a little crazy, slightly absurd

Could make people laugh without a word

Forever managing to get through.

Lived for himself, until something occurred,

I was just someone I once knew.

 

---

 

The Library

 

Somewhere here I must belong

Sleeping inside a sombre song

Sensing salvation won't be long

All the people can't always be wrong

 

Nothing real to call my own

Floating in a crowd all alone

The sheltered life I have outgrown

Black and white is all I've ever known

 

My heaviest possession is my name

No one around, so no-one to blame

Waiting for the times to change

Listening to the world go insane

 

Asking who here entertains the clown,

Or paints that smile over the frown?

Takes him for granted when he's around,

Then misses him when you're feeling down?

 

Deafening sound of the library clock

Hear the hollow of writers block

Every word is out of stock

Every door has got a lock

 

To friends or family who no longer call

Have love but write on another's wall

Time will catch up to us all

Even the best of us will inevitably fall

 

Marvel at the magic music of old

People who cared, people with soul

Filled a gap in the heart of a hole

For now, every story's already been told

 

To sing and dance in the happy dark

To call home, the bench in the park

You had it once, you lost the spark

Let's go crawling back to the start

 

The suffering of boredom buried inside

Trapped in a box, you can no longer hide

Rot away now, your spirit has died

This is what happens when good and evil collide.

---

I Know We Could Be So Happy (If We Wanted To Be)

I have a theory that the moon is depressed

He sleeps all day, and hangs around undressed

 

He only appears when the world is sleeping

Maybe so no one can actually hear him weeping

 

He watches from a distance, as couples go by

Knowing that he'll always be stuck to the sky

 

He's forever alone and never travels too far

There are others around, but he is no star

 

He may look like he's alright, but he knows how to pretend

So I'm going to ask the moon, if he wants to be my friend?
---

Brand New

The quiet moments that no ones sees
Seas of emptiness when everyone leaves
Leaves that fall from the autumn trees
Remind me of me, falling down to my knees

Surrounded by these fears that seize to please
Every time I start to believe and ease, I freeze
Poison in my lungs, I find it hard to breathe
Noise of the drum, I hope you're scarred with me

---

My Dark Passenger

I don't want to be happy
I'm afraid it might be shot
Then I'll only be more upset
I'll stick to what I've got

I'm a little scared of failure
Even more so by success
I'll only end up losing it
I'll never be the best

I wish I had never met you
Or I had never been born
So I wouldn't feel this pain
Or feel like I'm being torn

I'll stick to being a fuck up
This is just what I do
You don't need to love me
I know my life is through

---

Hallelujah

Your voice drowns the sorrow
With the sounds of tomorrow
Falling deeper with each line poured
As your body sunk but my mind soared

Emotions crashed as loud as the waves
Held captive, the crowd were your slaves
Blue waters stole from us like morning theft
There is nothing else but the mourning left

The ocean wind still whispers your name
And all I can do is wish for the same
So you ask why my happiness is never around
In the river of Mississippi is where it drowned

---

The Break-Up Song

Spring in the blossoming sun
Summer when we were born
Autumn in the playing fields
Winter our hands were warm

Spring started to get cloudier
Summer dampened our shine
Autumn withered all promise
Winter reigned in our time

Spring became awfully lonely
Summer was miserable too
Autumn wanted me to say
Winter is here missing you
---

Nobody

Who entertains the entertainer,
Or paints the smile on the face of a clown?
Who pick's up our disgraced heroes,
Or the wire walker who has fallen down?

Who cares for the runners up,
Or the former star whose past his prime?
Who supports the losing team,
Or continues to cheer when they're in decline?

Who notices the nice guy,
Or applauds his bravery for trying?
Who walks up and says hi to the girl,
When really inside he's dying.
---

You Either Die Or Keep On Burning

I miss my beautiful friend
I just want her to know this
And want to tell her I'm sorry
I hope it's not too late, I fear it is

I wish things were different
And we could go back to smiling
Spending afternoons on the swings
Before the troubles started piling

My fear got the best of me
I should have never let you fall
Now I'm laying here in regret
It was my fault, I ruined it all

We may no longer speak
But I'll carry you in my yearning
I wish happiness in your new life
But I am burning, I am burning.

 

---

 

Acronym For Your Name

Bewildered In Life And Love,
Some thing's will never change
My sad and lonely existence
It's bound to remain the same

Believing In Lie After Lie,
You led me further astray
Our relationship could never grow
When you were always away

Because I've Loved And Lost,
By the saying I'm appalled
That, its better to have loved and lost
Then to have never loved at all

Broken Innocence Left A Legacy,
Turning a child into a ghost
Life through my blood shot eyes
Now to that lets all toast

Being Isolated Leaves Anyone Lonely,
Without a lover or a friend
Alone in this dark room
This is where my story ends.

---

Grace

You linger in my thoughts and in my sleep

When I drink and when I eat

In my nightmares and in my dreams

Every time I talk, every time I breathe

 

I'm so close and yet so far

Are we together or are we apart?

Are we apart of something bigger then this?

Bigger then this love that's only seen through the mist

 

Do you realise how hard it is

Walking up these lonely stairs,

Knowing that when you reach the top

There's going to be no-one there that cares?

 

Friends is maybe all we're supposed to be

The truth is, you'll never be close to me

I feel you should have made the most of me

Regret it when the world decides to dispose of me

 

But the game has been settled, I've heard the score

The rejections have hurt I can't take many more

I have lost, I have lost and furthermore

I don't want to wake up on my own anymore.

 

---

 

She's A Tear That Hangs Inside My Soul Forever

 

I watch them inhume thee
A prayer's cried
The guilt consumes me
Eats away inside

I see your smiling face
Everywhere I go
Full of style and grace
I should've let you know

My affection untold
The biggest regret
Your heart in my soul
I can never forget

Every hurtful word I said
Is ringing in my ears
Demons in my head
Feeding on my fears

I'll drink away the pain
I'll drown my sorrow
I'll do it all over again
There'll be no tomorrow

God has had his way
The day has come
I'll never get to say
I love you, Mum

---

Insomnia

  Counting time in my mind
Look at all the things you’ll find
  In my space, familiar face
Another memory gone to waste
  Broken soul growing old
It has already all been told
  Seeing red, being dead,
A ghost living inside my head
  Energy sparks in me
A sudden surge that I can’t see
  Cut too deep, I can’t sleep
All I have to do is leap
  Midnight screams, in my dreams
Nightmares are my breathing scenes
  To my friends, I love them
But every story has to end

  Every breath that is left
Is one step closer to my death?
  And I blink, I can’t think
I am running out of ink
  Strangling stress, what a mess
I’m innocent till I confess
  Troubled youth, hunting proof
No-one ever knows the truth
  Lowered down in the ground
That’s where my body can be found
  Am I dumb? I am numb
When will death and company come?
  Feeling lost, bleeding cross
Will you deliver me to my boss?
  Closing hand, don’t expand
Point it high and make a stand

   I will glove all my love
I will make you take my drug
  Lovely girl, ugly world
Let me win and let it swirl
  Wipe your tears, I’m still here
Living in all of your darkest fears
  I have grown all alone
In this house that I call home
  All I hate, phony fakes
No one has what it takes
  Embers flick, fires lit
Not being able to commit
  Tell me why the world will lie
I have even failed to die
 Counting time in my mind
Look at all the things you’ll find

---

To Whom It May Concern;

Haunting ring of rejection is again
Shivering in the sombre sound of silence
Why do you not answer?
Do you hate me? Do you hate me?

Love Unrequited is my oldest friend
She has shaped my thoughts and feelings,
Becoming an integral part of me.
True friends are rare, but She is always there.

My insecurities won't let go of my inhibitions
I can't be me around you, open or real
Not willing to risk our friendship on a no go
I will never tell her, she will never know

Seeking comfort in the familiarity of nothingness
Trapped in a self deprecating sense of self.
The Devil and God live within me
Peace fails to exist.

I see no escape route, no where to leave
I feel my time is drawing close
If God loves me, he won't mind having me
No one knows me and no one will miss me

So to this lonely life I bid farewell,
If you're listening, hear my cry;
I'm free and all yours.
Goodbye.

---

Last Goodbye

A tear is masked, as sheer and vast
I've never feared a task but you're so lovely
The year has passed, it's clear at last
I'm just here to ask do you love me?
The ring I claim, my wings inflamed
I cling in vein to you-and-me time
I sing the same, your king's to blame
If things were changed would you be mine?

Thrown and thronged, in the zone and strong
But I can't hone this song about you
Been alone all along, I'm known to be wrong
I've grown to belong without you
Ease what's been done, three's just no fun
Seizing you from acting grim
The sea and the sun, is reason for some
Please don't you run back to him

I've been here before, between you and the door
Seen it all and more, your love is a sham
It's mean to ignore, not my queen anymore
I dreamed you'd adore me for who I am
You melt all the boys, svelte in your poise
I never felt a rejoice, hoped my past would die
You theft me of voice, bereft me of joys
And left me no choice, this is my last goodbye.

---

Dirge

My mind is all over the place, I don't know what to do
I had no one else to talk to, that's why I'm calling you
I couldn't take it any longer, I just had to know
I had to talk to her, now I'll tell you of my woe

I couldn't get any worse; I had nothing else to lose
And all this not-knowing, had me really confused
I knew it sounded crazy, and wasn't very likely
But I asked her anyway, if she truly liked me?

She hesitated for a moment, I started to dread
I seen it in her eyes, going through lines in her head
Time stood still, I went over every scene I had read
In an apologetic tone, with one fatal, fair line she said;


"How can I like you when you don't even like yourself?"

---

Vodka & Vicodin

So I continue to hurt myself
It's no more then I deserve
I go back to my oldest friend
The drink, I could never swerve

I lost everyone that ever loved me
Chased away anyone that cared
I go back to the only thing I have,
The ugly drug to which I'm snared

I'm sick of following my dreams
Tired of reaching out for greater
I'll ask them where they're going
And catch up with them later

Some days I see a pool of blood
And imagine myself lying in it.
But I know, living in misery sucks
Marginally less then dying in it.

---

St. Jude, Patron Saint Of Lost Causes

Give me a reason to live
As I stare into an empty bottle
Slow my mind, ease my pain
So what if I need a few sedatives?

I don't care for the world
It really doesn't need me.
Phones ring and doorbell knock,
Clocks tick and nobody's home

Derelict mind state. Abandoned.
A dim light flickers hopelessly.
Wallowing in the stench
Of my own self pity. Agonising.

Out of all human consciousness.
Where did it all go wrong?
How did it come to this?
Do you think God will forgive us?

I hear lost voices echoing.
No light at the end of the tunnel
No fairy-tale ending. Until;
You gave me a reason to live.

---

Recovery

Your persuasive rays of light
Opened doors of hope
Until there was nothing left, but to smile

Did I die and arrive at the hereafter?
Is it me really speaking?
Do I deserve to be joyous unconditionally?

To many irrelevant questions
Holding on to the past
I have let go
Striding blissfully onwards

The pathway to destiny
Or whatever else arises

My mind is clear, spirit is free, and heart is open
Everything else will take care of itself.

---

Seven

Church bells ring
The day is here
Everyone looks perfect
I'm seeing things clear

Another crap day
How many more?
I don't need her
Show her to the door

My little sister's the bride
My daughter's the flower girl
I've waited my whole life
This is my world

I open another bottle
Nothing else to do
Nobody else is here
Get rid of thoughts of you

The day is beautiful
Family in the limousine
On our way home
To live out our dream

The fridge is empty
I need more drink
I can drive to the store
I don't care what you think

All happiness and laughter
Daughter asleep in my lap
Bright lights coming towards us
I can't see, what the hell is that?

Everything is a blur
I think I'm losing the plot
Where has this limo come from?
Shit, I cant stop




Wake up groggy and dazed
But there's air in my lungs
I see a little girl lying lifeless
Oh, what the hell have I done?

Tears rain down over us
I hold you tight for cover
I'd give anything for one
More day to be your mother.

---

Second Best

If only you could see the irony in your words
You would not say what you do

We spend hours talking and laughing
Endless days comforting you when he's away
But soon as he is back
You forget I ever existed

I take solace in the fact I've been here before
Waiting for him to leave again
And for you to come back to me
Love me out of desire, not consolation

The love that last longest is the one that is unreturned
It's not the despair that kills you, it's the hope.

---

The Only Way To Cross The River Of Fire Is By Drowning

Your heart has fallen for a love
It's going to have to forget
Come into the midst of love
And look from where you first met

Even if you were blessed with beauty
Your insecurities are too great
They will hunt you down and make you fail
To find your eternal mate

This intoxication is your beauty's fault
Your love is my entire life
You already knew it was over
So why go through the strife?

She's moved on and is perfectly happy
And now you must do the same
So my smile continues to deceive the world
But that doesn't heal the pain.

---

A Pure Drop In An Ocean Of Noise

Can't wait till I'm gone, can rest in peace
Live forever without the stress and grief
Can't push my feelings aside, I've died inside
No point trying to swim against the rising tide

The constant pressure, I'm under siege
Everyone waiting for me to under achieve
As the days go on, people come and go
Too many times, saying goodbye before hello

I feel defeated, beaten and filled with sin
Only person in the race and still won't win
I feel ugly, bored, tired and sick
I want to stop breathing, I'm dying to quit.

---

Fight Off Your Demons

We talk all night but I don't hear your voice
I don't feel you near me, it's not my choice
I don't get to see you smiling at what I said
We talk all night but sleep in different beds

Our love is unspoken in a broken heart
We've both lost the time to play the part
And if this were a movie, we'd find a way
Yet here in real life, I have no lines to say

I'm vile and depraved; I know where I stand
I can't be saved, so please remove your hand
Push you away; hope you discover who you are
I don't deserve you, I'd only bring you scars

---

I'm Only Here For This Moment (Your Flame In Me)

Let your sweet embrace squeeze all life out of me
Let your blood red lips tease me to surrender
Let no words ruin the beauty of the silence
Let the feeling blanket us eternally in this moment

In your voice I hear the innocence and laughter
In your shimmering eyes I see the future of stars
In full mercy of your sweet compassion and care
In my heavy eyes and woozy heart is where you live

Now I am starting to trust in a higher power
Now the songs on the radio start making sense
Now everything flows without logic or rationale
Now my stumbling words no longer need meaning

Always believed that I would spend my days alone
Always have your back like you would have mine
Always want it to be me and you forever
Always in a dream where the two of us are together.

---

Novo

Feel like I've not talked about TV for a while, and there's a lot to talk about. Tis' definitely seems to be the season for change. Breaking Bad has blown the boundaries and the rest of the broadcasting world is now reacting with major shifts to their respective structures, with varying degrees of success.

The shows which benefited most from it are the ones that have been bold, brave, and unapologetic in their change. They've disregarded the worn out tropes and episodic nature, for a shot at dramatic integrity. Brody missing the majority of this seasons Homeland, the split of Florreck & Agos from Lockheart/Gardner in The Good Wife, and The Mentalist finally resolving the Red John story line have all marked a substantial shift in the stakes of the shows involved. These were the show-runners and writers that stuck with their guns and did it right.

However, there were series that dipped their toes in the water of change but retreated back to their safe and warm comfort zones before their feet had a chance to dry. Beckett moving to the FBI in Castle, and Neil getting a new handler in White Collar were the main culprits. What's most frustrating is that it was actually an interesting and entertaining turn of events; there were new characters, unique scenarios, and heaps of potential, which were all dashed within a few episodes, losing any credibility it worked so hard to earn.

The moral of the story being, throw yourself against the rocks, burn the film that has started to settle on you, it'll probably be for the best. And even if it isn't, at least it'll be different.

DYASY

So this was the week I had been waiting for over five months. And for like five years before that. Thursday February 9th finally arrived. Doesn't take a genius to work out that I was mega excited, not only was this my first ever concert, but it was Brand fucking New!

It was only once I was at the venue that I realised the last train back was, what ended up being, an hour after they got on stage. I saw them play for around 45 minutes and they were amazing. Highlight probably being Jesse just standing back playing the guitar while the entire crowd sang the start to Tommy Gun, pure awesomeness. But I had to leave early which meant missing half their set, including some of my favourite songs. Needless to say I was pretty gutted at the time and as the days have passed that disappointment has only grown.

All I've done since is watch videos of them online from the fellow Manchester goers, and read reviews and comments about how amazing they were. I don't know what it is, I've never really been overly interested in going to gigs or anything like that, but being there was just different. I was both lost and free. For that moment, there was nothing else on my mind, nothing more important, I didn't care about anything, I wasn't worrying about anything, I was just joyous, screaming at the top of my lungs, living in that moment. That feeling is like a drug, and now that I've had a taste, I want more.

I looked around at the people there, and as cliché as it sounds, it just felt as if I belonged. My tastes in music, movies, TV, clothes, etc. have always been different to my best friends. And that's not really a problem, you don't need things in common to be close, and besides we'll other interests that we share. But it would really be lovely to have someone close to me who shares the same weird passions as me. You normally meet your closest friends in manufactured situations like school, university, work, and you can't choose their interest, they are not filtered by what they're in to. Unlike say for example the internet, where you can just follow and unfollow people by what you have in common. I knew I shared something I hold very dear with all the people at that venue, and that's not a something I can say about many people in my life. There was something attractive in that.

All I want to do now is go see them again, I feel incomplete, I want the full experience. They only have a few more shows left and the only realistic one I could go to would be Birmingham on Wednesday. Plus, that show starts a lot earlier so no worries about missing any of it. One problem however, I did not plan for this and I have no money. I spent most of what I had on a good couple of days in Crewe. If I had known I would’ve cut down on the take away! I’ve not completely given up on the hope, but it’s looking very unlikely at the moment. But I will do everything in my power to make it happen. I don’t know when they will next tour, if ever. What I do know is that if I don’t get to see them again, I will regret it and won’t be able to shake that little feeling.

People who know me will tell you I go through phases of obsessing over different things. This is definitely my Brand New phase. Again. Unlike people, music is a constant, it is there whenever I want it, whatever mood I’m in, and it won’t ever leave me. I’m now off to my happy place, so until next time, happy scrolling.

“It used to be the reason I breathed, but now it’s choking me up..”

x

Public Service Anouncement

I've been meaning to write something on here for a few days, but I really can't be bothered. So please, don't get too excited and think this is an actual post, it is not, it's just a quick message. I do actually have a few things I want to in to eventually, but until then, follow or just occasionally stalk me on my new spot.. Tumblr. I only took note of it because loads of people on Twitter had one in their website section, and they looked so frickin' cool. It was only meant to be a little mess around and fun, but I've actually gotten quite into it. It's kinda complicated to get the hang of, and I still don't really know exactly what I'm doing, but when has that ever stopped me. It's another blogging site, but people post pics and little gifs, and random stuff like that. So instead of sitting down for an hour writing down your deepest thoughts and feeling, you can just reblog something (with a click of a button) to represent the same thing! Yes, lazy and uncreative, I agree, but until I find a spark and motivation to write on here again that is where I'll be at. I'll come back soon, I promise. I've posted quite a bit of stuff, so there's a few pages for you all to catch up on, fun fun. It's mostly a mix of, me fanboying over my favourite things, depressive quotes, and naked people. Have fun! :)

http://poonoises.tumblr.com/

Poison Ivy

Why hello there, I didn't see you, you startled me. Welcome in anyway, make yourself comfortable like. I hope you enjoyed my last long ass ramble about TV, I've not actually been able to bring myself to read over it, so if it's shit, then you'll know why and just have to excuse me. Not much has been going on in my life recently so I can't really give you any exciting, detailed stories, sorry. But I'm sure something will pop in my mind while I'm writing this.

I was walking to football earlier listening to my iPod, and I don't know what triggered it off but I just thought to myself, that I don't feel as creative as I once was. (I don't mean that in a footballing sense either, class is permanent ;)) (I hate it when brackets mess up my smileys). More like a few years back, I used knock one of these out for fun, I was banging out like 3-4 a week. And before that, I was posting poems on other sites and creating that way. I used to occasionally draw or paint, but I've stopped and lost everything. I don't know where it's gone, my mind is just not there anymore. I can feel myself slowly turning into mush. It's like they say, if you don't use it, you lose it. Well I think my mind has been stagnant for so long, that it needs to be retrained to regain former glory. The worst thing is, knowing I can produce stuff I'm impressed with and can look back proudly on, but then not being able to do so anymore when I want. It is very frustrating. Maybe I had more to say back then and everything's been said, or maybe I just have more things on my mind now, surpressing my creativity, I don't know.

Now I feel this post is starting to head down that 'deep' side, and I didn't really intend to go there. As much as I love it, and love reading your insight into human emotions and character, I feel that is a bit of a slippery slope right now. Mainly because every time I start writing like that, there is only one thing on my mind, which it will inevitably lead to. It's pretty much all I think about at the moment to be honest, when I want to, and even when I don't. I can't really help it. Regrets, doing things differently, having another chance, just being better.

Swiftly moving on before we all hang ourselves, I realised the other day that I miss the Uni lifestyle and the people there more than I even thought. Mo was invited to some girls birthday party in town, and wanted someone to go along with so asked me to come a few days before, and I said ok. I wasn't really too keen but Hassan also said he would come, and so would another friend, so I thought, ok it might actually be good. Comes to the Saturday and Hassan and his friend have had to go into Birmingham and are not getting back till around midnight time, and Mo still really wants to go, and I'm the only one left, so I feel guilty and say us two will go, even though I'd rather have stayed home and watched Boxing. But we went, the two of us into town, to this bar, which was actually quite busy. But it was pretty shit, and I felt like a total outsider for the whole time there. Hassan then text saying he and a friends were coming into town also, and would be going to this Asian type club, so we went to Maryland to wait for him. By this time I had already had a shit time, missed the Tyson Fury fight, and was hiding behind Mo from every taxi I saw in town, which were a lot! By the time Hassan and my other mate got to the club, I had enough of the night and wanted to go home to watch UFC and the Boxing, and Mo had to get up early for work the next day, so we decided to go home. Apparently Hassan and my friend ended up having a good night, but I couldn't help thinking back to my nights at Crewe. The pre drinking at someone house, no matter who or how many, always had a laugh and felt together and it was fun. Then spend the night together dancing away, having a laugh, and end by leaving together also. This was so hectic and disorganised, and the fact that it's in Leicester town, just put me off. The thing is I do actually want to go out, 'cause I'm so bored of sitting at home all the time. Hassan said we will start going out properly now, starting from this weekend, so we'll see if that materialises.

Anyway, what I've not really ever mentioned I don't think, but which has played the most major role during summer and the months since is Rap Battles. Probably because I know that the few of you who do occasionally read this, will have no interest in it whatsoever. However, when I've been spending 23 hours a day, confined to these colourful but boring walls, they have been the main stay of my sorry existence, occupying most of the hours. I don't really know how I got into battle rap in particular, but I know I started a couple years ago, watching this World Rap Championships which were from a few years earlier. So I spent a bit of time watching these, thinking they were the greatest thing I had heard, and then when I finished that, I just stopped. Over summer, I rekindled my interest, again I don't really remember what instigated it, but I'm glad it did. This time it's serious. Rap battles have been around for a few decades now, as anyone who has seen 8 Mile will know, but like everything, it has evolved and grown. Over the last few years especially, with new impressive leagues starting up in, America, Canada, UK, Scandinavia and even Eastern Asia. So as you may be able to tell, I've had a lot of catching up to do and a lot of time to do it in, which I have. As you'll probably be unfamiliar with it, each battle has slightly different rules, but all have a 3 rounds, a set time limit, and they and rapping prepared written bars. So it's not a couple of fools spitting meaningless one syllable rhymes, they are formulated, vicious barrages of lyrical genius. Rap battles are the most rawest, uncut, hardcore things you'll hear and definitely not for the faint hearted. So cold blooded, that's probably why I love it.

You might have heard me going on about it a bit on Twitter recently, and the fact that the whole Rap Battle movement sort of has a cult following, even though it's growing, they are not huge millionaire superstars with thousands of followers. Which means, they actually retweet and reply to your comments, with 2 who even started to following me. I know it's not that exciting for you, but in my world they are like Justin Bieber and One Direction. This sort of brings me nicely on to what else I wanted to mention, one of the more famous of these battle rappers has just released an album, and it it pretty fucking good. Especially a couple of tracks, which I've fallen in love with. I posted them up around a while ago, but in case you missed it, here they are again.

http://thesauruswins.bandcamp.com/track/no-sleep

http://thesauruswins.bandcamp.com/track/poison-ivy

It's quite funny, because the four songs that I'm kind of addicted to at the moment are these two and Video Game and Blue Jeans by Lana Del Rey. Yeah I know, a bit of a weird combination. Talking of LDR she has been doing some live shows around the place, which has led to videos of these live performances on YouTube. Because it's just someone in the crowd recording it on their phone or camera, the quality is not the best but it is not too bad either. From her other unheard songs, two have really jumped out at me, Born To Die and China Doll. I actually can't wait for an album to be released and hear her music properly.

 

Also, there are so many movies out or coming out soon in the cinema that I want to watch. Machine Gun Preacher, Tower Heist, Moneyball, 50/50. I need to step my game up. Also, before I forget, I watched a cute little movie the other day called Like Crazy. I think I kinda liked it but I really need someone to talk to about so I can fully make up my mind! It's an indie romantic drama type, a little bit sad, a little bit happy, without giving too much away. So yeah, if you have some time, I suggest you watch it and let me know what you think. I think it may be released here in like February time, and I can see it being on of those movies that people (girls) go crazy about. But you can watch it online, pretty good copy, so I'm giving you a head start, here is a trailer...

Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...

"I feel so alone every Friday night

You make me feel like home, so I tell you you’re mine

Don’t make me sad, don’t make me cry

Songs of love aren’t enough when the road gets though

I don’t know why

You make me laugh,

Let’s all get high

Road’s long, we carry on

Should you have fun in the meantime

Come and take a walk on the wild side

Let me fuck you hard in the pouring rain"

"Dearest diary, I'm here perspiring these tears that tire me

What once was crystal clear has nearly disappeared entirely,

and left me hurting, I must be incorrectly learning

If I lose every girl I love to some prick who's less deserving"

x

Video Games

So now that alot of my TV is back and underway, I thought it would be a good opportunity to talk about it. And for future reference, when I constantly go on about something, that's me recommending it, me liking it is a personal reference. Don't say you've not been warned! Depending on what's on at the time or what stage in the season the show is at, changes where I rank them, but at the moment it's something along these lines. In ascending order.

I started writing this post like a week ago, but have been back and forth on it since then. There's no real reason why, just kind of got half way through the list and thought, no one gives a shit, why am I still doing this! Lol. Like why don't I just post up trailers, and be done with, rather than all this effort. But then I realised this is what I love. I love yapping away about shit that no one else gives a fuck about. I don't even care if you don't care, I just like talking about my TV, even if it is to myself! :)

Rizzoli & Isles:
This is a crime based drama focusing on the life's of the two women leads, who are work colleagues and best friends, police detective Jane Rizzoli and Medical Examiner Mora Isles. Rizzoli is very tom-boyish and Isles is the polar opposite. Like most of the show I watch, this was my sisters recommendation. It's currently in a mid-season break of the second series. It has its captivating moments that make it worthwhile, most notably towards the seasons finales, but mostly it's just nice and watchable. It's still early in the shows life, I think it has potential, but don't think I'd shed a tear when it's time was up. However, it is nice to see two women leads, maybe a female perspective could get into it alot more. I'll still be watching it.

The Good Wife:
A Law based drama, which you can guess by the title, focuses around the life of the lead woman Alicia Floreck. The series starts with the fall out from her powerful politician husband's public affair. This impacts her relationship with her husband, the impact on her children, the start of her own career as a lawyer. The series is a few episodes in to its third season, and the show gets better with each one. There are quite a number of characters involved in the show, so there's plenty to love and hate. There's some very good performances in it, and it's taken America by quite a storm last year, winning various awards. It's pretty emotional stuff, and big issues being played with. Again it's with a strong woman lead, and maybe a woman might be able to relate to it more.

White Collar:
Another crime based drama, but unlike the others, this is not based around violent homicide cases, but instead as the title suggest, white collared criminals such as forgers and art thiefs. This gives the show a slightly lighter feel than some of the other, but it is still capable of producing some heavier, darker moments. The show revolves around the undeniably beautiful Matt Bomer as Neil Caffery, who is an convicted arts forger extraordinaire. However, the detective that has chased him for years and finally arrested his man when we are first introduced to the show, Peter, offers Niel a deal to work with the police as an expert in the field to help bring down other criminals of that kind, in exchange for a jail sentence. This leads to a very weird and interesting partnership and friendship between the two. This is one of the shows that I think my sister would rate higher in the list, and on another day, maybe I would to. It's currently on a mid-season break of the third season.

Leverage:
Leverage is another crime based drama, but these are no cops trying to solve a case. They are a team of five thiefs and grifters who help the innocent get back at the rich and powerful who have done them wrong. The team consists of a Hitter, Hacker, Grifter, Thief, and Mastermind (Timothy Hutton) as Nathan Ford. Sometimes the bad guys make the bes good guys. If anyone has watched the British show Hustle, it is basically the same format, but about 10 times better. It's on a lot bigger scale, more action, more drama, more character development. If you like that show, you will love this. Due to the nature of the cases the team are dealing with, (ie. not murder and homicide) it gives the show a lighter edge, and quite an uplifting feeling. All of the five characters have a major role to play and a few of the characters story lines intertwined with each other, which is always exciting. It is currently on a mid season break of the fourth season.

The Mentalist:
This is a crime based drama focusing around a team of four police detectives and a consultant in the shape of Patrick Jane (Simon Baker) aka The Mentalist. He is a hypnotist and body language expert who has a way of seeing things and dealing with people which is very different to the way the rest of the officers go about work. He reads people and goes on hunches, alot of the times getting in trouble with his police bosses, but on the most part, he delivers and stays as an essential part of the homicide solving team. He starts working with the police in order to catch the mysterious, elusive serial killer Red John, who murdered his wife and daughter before the show began. This brings a nice contrast into the show, as when Jane is dealing with a normal case, he is quite witty and funny, but when anything to do with Red John gets mentioned, he becomes very dark and vengeful. The show is a few episode into it's fourth season and I can truly say it's one that gets alot better. The first couple of seasons were watchable enough, but for me, it became repetitive and there wasn't much character development. However, the last season and the start of this have shook a whole lot of things up and it has drastically jumped up my rankings. Long may that rise continue.

Chuck:
Chuck is an action/comedy type situation. Even though, most of the other shows have funny, witty, light hearted moments in them, Chuck is the only one I would actually class as a comedy. It is about an average-joe computer nerd who accidentally installs the 'intersect' into his brain. The intersect is a government computer programme which holds all their secrets, as well as, enabling you to do whatever you focused on, i.e. martial arts, shooting guns, and whatever other stuff you have to do to take down bad guys. So this pretty much turned this regular nerdy guy into a super agent. He has a team of army veteran Casey and the gorgeous Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski) who also plays his love interest to show him the ropes. These three are the main characters but there is a larger cast and some of the best characters on TV! This is more where the comedy side comes in. I can't talk about them all individually, but you'll just have to take my word for it. Something about Chuck is just instantly relatable and likable. Especially for me, with the whole Chuck/Sarah thing, him being a normal geeky guy, starting to fall in love for the first time with this stunning woman who is out of his league, and all the mishaps and awkwardness that comes along with it. It was a cool story the way it was done. It's currently in its fifth and final season. It was meant to finish after the fourth but due to fan pressure it was extended for a one more season, but I have just read that this one will only have 13 episodes, compared to the 20+ of the others.

Castle:
Castle is a crime drama based show. Richard Castle (Nathan Fillion) is an award winning novelist, who starts working with the police in order to get an insight for his new crime thriller novel which he's going to base on a detective. That detective turns out the incredibly beautiful Kate Beckett played by Stana Katic. Similarly to The Mentalist, Castle becomes apart of a homicide detective team along with two other officers, led by Beckett. Castle and Beckett work well as a team, as she is tough, logical, and determined, whereas Castle is more theory based, throwing fantasy and wild stories about each case. From the very beginning of the show it is clear that there is sexual tension between the two, and as the show grows the chemistry only goes stronger. Without giving too much away, this slightly came to ahead at the end of season 2. Now I'm not very good with memory, and especially with all the stuff I watch alot of stuff gets mixed and confused, but the season 2 finale was one of 'those' moments, it was just so so sad. There relationship is one of the shows major pulling points, it is very well executed and continues to be done so, anyone who's into a bit of romance will love this. It's funny, because when my sister first told me about the show, I looked it up and saw Nathan Fillion and recognised him from TV and made my mind up that I didn't like him! But I gave it a chance, and oh my, how has this show changed that. It's currently in it's fourth season.

House:
House is a medical drama, and from all the stuff I watch is probably the most high profile and the one you've actually heard of. That is down to in no small part the pure awesomeness of Hugh Laurie who plays House. His Golden Globe winning performance in this show has not only made the show a massive hit worldwide, but also launched him into super stardom and the most recognisable character on TV. House is a diagnostician who takes on weird cases which nobody else can figure out but he enjoys the puzzle. He is also anti-social, rude, mean, unsympathetic, uncaring, obsessive and wild. As well as being a cripple and a drug addict. But he is the best at his job and the only one of his kind. But there is another side to this crazy doctor that most of the other characters don't get to see, but we as the audience have the privilege of doing so. There is pain, sadness, loneliness, and emptiness in his life. The show focuses on House's team solving cases, trying to save their patients, as well as, dealing with the personal life's of each of the characters. Since the success of the show, there have been other shows who have tried to imitate the House characters, (Not as well however) but when House came out, it was a breath of fresh air and unlike anything TV had seen. There was this genius of a man in a respectable position as a doctor, but he acted like one of the criminals you would see on a detective show. I remember sitting with my sister every Thursday night and watching it on channel 5 when it first came out over here in the UK. Ever since, I've been totally in love with House, the character and the show. This has been my favourite show and probably still is, but with the shock exit of Cuddy (Lisa Edelstein) and Thirteen (Olivia Wilde) both main characters, the whole show has been left a bit up in the air. It is currently in it's eight, and possibly but hopefully not, final season.

Dexter:
Well I'm going to start by saying Dexter is a crime, drama, mystery, thriller, but is like no other show! Some shows take a while for you to get into and start to like, but I think I knew after the first few lines of Dexter that this was for me. Dexter Morgan is a Blood Splatter Analyst who works in the forensics department of Miami Metro. But he is also a serial killer. However, unlike most serial killers, he only goes after other criminals and killers. So there is always this moral issue of us liking him as a character even though he a murderer. As a child, his father who was a police officer saw this killer side in him and taught him a 'code' to only use it for good, and to not get caught. Ever since, his father has passed, but Dexter has lived to this code. An emotionless, meticulous, cold blooded killer. But he blends in with society and leads a 'normal' life. The show itself is very dark and graphic, with haunting voiceovers cutting through you like only (Michael C. Hall) voice could. Each season focuses on a big main baddy, who Dexter goes after, while killing other smaller murderers on the way. Unlike all the other shows which have like 20+ episodes a season, Dexter only has 12, every season. This means the show only lasts 3 months of the year with a 9 month break in between each season, this only adds to the excitement I think. Also, the network it's shown on doesn't have adverts so each episode is like 52 minutes long compared to 42. I know it's only 10 minutes difference but in TV that equates to a lot. Each episode just hits hard and a punch to the gut which takes all your breath away. And every episode of every season is like that, like a mini movie, it's unrelenting. It cult following has turned into a crazy fan base which keeps growing. The show is half way through season 6 and it is just as good as ever.

Untitled

I'm just warning you now, I have a feeling this post is going to be very shit. But I'm bored and need to kill some time. There were actually a few things I wanted to talk about but they're all pretty separate and random, so this all may seem a little jumpy and disjointed, but fuck it. I've been meaning to blog for a while but had nothing really to talk about. Started a post a few days ago, but then left it. That night laying in bed, it came to me and I thought 'yes, this is perfect'! Woke up the next morning and I TOTALLY forgot what it was. Don't have a clue whether it was an idea, concept, thought or whatever. Gone, vanished, like aliens invaded my brain while I was sleeping.

Talking of things happening while I sleep. Recently I started having dreams. I don't mean the metaphoric type, I mean literally. I never used to have them (or never remembered having any because apparently we all dream every night). But for the last few weeks, I've had dreams, some I don't remember, others I remember pieces, and a few I have the general gist of. And they are all pretty weird. Like the most recent one a few days ago that I remember, was me getting into a physical fight with Mike Tyson over what was the best chocolate in a box of Celebrations. Don't ask me. Before this, for like a week straight I had this very vivid and explicit reoccurring dream. It wasn't always exactly the same every night, but the basics were. It actually started altering my mood throughout the days a little.

Around this time, say a couple of weeks ago, I was in a very fucked up state of mind. It was weird, like I could be completely fine all day, even be in a good mood, but soon as I was in bed at night, I would just have these extreme lows. Just laying there with all sorts of thoughts running through my head. Had not really felt like that bad since my teeny years. Just a very black place, best I can describe it. But then I could wake up and be fine again. It really had me dreading night time, I would not want to switch off my laptop, or watch something till I fell asleep, or just have my iPod on really loud to stop me from thinking. It lasted for like a whole week and was pretty exhausting. But thankfully, that phase seems to have passed and I'm back to myself; just partially depressed.

Also, I've been having doubts about this job that I've been accepted for. I was meant to start last Monday, but we went in, waited for an hour and a half for the manager, for him to tell us in under a minute that there's been some sort of delay and he's not sure when we will start. He also weirdly added, if you get any other job offers in the meantime, you should take them! During this whole recruitment process he's been away and we've dealt with this young, ditsy reception woman. This was our first meeting with him, he seem alot more straight. I say our but it was only three of us, I don't know what happened to the other 5 I met. One of the guys, I get on with, and we went Subways together afterwards. The other guy, was the only one from the group of 8 that in our three meeting I hadn't spoken to. The thing about when I was looking for work was, I didn't mind what job it was, I didn't want to work evenings or weekends. This happens to be both, and on top is only commission based so not guaranteed to even make money, I don't think I'm a salesman. The day after I got accepted for this job, I got a phone call from Primark for an in store interview, but as I thought I was starting on the Monday, I rejected it. Ever since, I've kind of been regretting it. Even though, it's a shit job, and probably not as exciting as the other one, I knew it would be Monday to Friday, and how much I would be getting paid. This other job, they said you can't really take days off, and working like 10 and a half hour days for 6 days. Even if I did make decent money, there would be no real point, if I can't spend it doing the things that I love and enjoy. Like if I couldn't take off a day to go back to uni for old boys, or working during United in the Champions League. They were meant to ring but haven't done so. I don't know, I'm still unsure over it, but I've applied to a few other places. See what happens.

Again randomly moving on, today I completed my PGCE application form and sent it off. Applied to a Loughborough, Leicester Uni, some other Leicester school/collegey thing, and Man Met, not Cheshire unfortunately :( they, didn't have it or it would've been my first choice. Applied for PE in a couple of places and Primary and Secondary in the others. I don't know, just thought I'd tell you that, could be interesting in the future if it works out.

Finally... the biggest thing in my life this last week is LANA DEL REY! If you've paid any sort of attention to my Facebook or Twitter (which I'm sure you stalkers and creepers have) you know about this already. Weird one night last week I was just laying in bed, about to go sleep, reading a few tweets as you do, and Olivia Wilde shared a link to one of her songs. Not know what the link was, I clicked it, and as they say the rest is history. She's not got a full album or anything out, but she does have a couple of gorgeous singles out at the moment, and a few other songs floating around YouTube. The songs are described by her as, tragic love songs with hope, to which I can't think of anything better. Her sound and look are both pretty unique and special too. I have literally had her on repeat ever since I heard her and in particular these two songs. It's that kind of phase where no other music really sounds the same and I don't want to listen to anything other than her.

Anyway, I think that is enough ramble for now. And just in time for MNF! Have fun :) Ps. I can't think of a title for this post, so if you have any ideas, let me know and I will use that!

Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...

"I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of tomorrow. I'm afraid of watching you sail away and knowing you'll never come back."

x