I Need A Doctor

I've been meaning for a while now to write a proper post, but have just not found the time, motivation, or the need to write. Maybe because this year has been actually very good, I have nothing to rant about. Maybe I couldn't be truly honest on here anymore so didn't see the point of speaking in tongue. Maybe I'm just, and always will be, a very lazy mo fo. Who knows? What we do know is that the new me, is back to the old me. Whoever that is.

Ok, let's get down to business... the last month or so has been totally whirlwind crazy. I found someone nearly as weird as me. So much has happened but resulted in very little I can actually hold on to, apart from the mass of doubting questions, of course. All was going swimmingly, birds were chirping, flowers were blossoming (yeah I know it's winter, just go with it), and I think I was starting to smile more than usual, which my friends didn't hesitate to pick up on and mock me with. Until last week, when she dropped a bit of a bombshell. Ever since, I've been pretty unsure with the whole situation and don't really know what to do next, or how this will all play out. One minute, she's telling me how much she misses me and wants me to come over, and then the next, about how she could now not go out with a muslim guy after what happened, and how happy she is being single. So where the fuck do I stand?!

The thing is, in my own heart I've never really believed she liked me or anything would ever happen, I was just happy go along, happy she was spending time with me. It's only everyone else I've talked to has told me that she likes me, which gave me some sort of foolish belief that I had a chance. I expected nothing and would have been happy with nothing, but soon as about five/six people start telling you that she's clearly into you, it all of a sudden becomes slightly annoying when it all inevitably falls down. The thing is though, I'm not really down as I thought I'd be or whatever, I'm still pretty upbeat, I'm more kind of depressed about not being depressed. It's that weird feeling of not knowing what to feel.

Saying all this, while I've been blogging she has text me saying, she is now coming to Steam, after earlier telling me she wasn't out. So you never know. Also, I have something in mind for tomorrow, which she'll hopefully go along with. But now I need to find something to wear.... Eeeeek!

In other less interesting news for you guys, but life to me, about six new Eminem songs have been leaked over the last couple of weeks. This as you can imagine is my saving grace.

Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...

"Grace is what matters. In anything. Especially life, especially growth, tragedy, love, pain, death. About people, that's what matters. That's a quality I admire very greatly. It keeps you from reaching for the gun too quickly; it keeps you from destroying things too foolishly; it sort of keeps you alive and keeps you open for more understanding".

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