Is anybody out there, it feels like I'm talking to myself.
Last couple of days have been weird, just a mixture of being happy and sad at the same time, grey. Grey and weird. Hard to explain what or how, 'cause I don't think I know myself what it is exactly that I'm feeling. Days have been OK, nights not so. Just that last sentence makes me want to listen to 'Nobody Know It But Me' - Babyface. Slowly other music and songs have been filtering back into my life, Jeff Buckley, Band Of Horses, and even a bit of Paul Rodgers, but I think I may have another twinkle of Recovery in bed tonight.
It just feels like a lot of different aspects of my life at the moment are a double edged sword, with every positive experience seeming to carry a dark passenger. For example, the trip to Egypt which I leave for on Wednesday morning. First real holiday on my own, with my two best friends, for a week in the sun, should be amazing. However, weighing heavy on my mind is the fact I don't have nearly enough money to pay for it, I owe a lot to a lot of people and it leaves me stranded for the rest of the summer. Moreover, my passport still hasn't arrived and I don't even dare contemplate of it not doing so in the next couple of days. This type of constant juxtaposition has been following me around in to other areas of my life for the last few days, and it feels like I'm going insane, am I the one who's crazy?
I don't see nobody else, I guess I keep talking to myself...
Thoughts/Quotes/Lyrics of the day...
"I've turned into a hater, I put up a false bravado
But Marshall is not an egomaniac, that's not his motto
He's not a desperado, he's desperate, his thoughts are bottled
Inside him, one foot on the brake, one on the throttle
Falling asleep with writers block in the parking lot of McDonald's"
x
just rock steady my friend, dont look down or back.
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