She has been so patient with me, even though I've pushed her aside. Hours, days, or weeks; she's always there no matter how long it's been since our last date. She listens to everything I have to say without judgement, I don't have to be the best or most beautiful, I'm allowed to be myself. Ahh I love my blog.
It has been a mad first week back at University, lot's of good little things, one big bad thing. The house is OK for student living really, it's got walls and a roof, can't really complain, it is what you make it. I've already had to break into it once! We're waiting for the Internet to get installed so for the time being we're using pre-payed dongles, which are pretty shit; they take loads of memory to watch TV shows and you can't get Facebook chat on them, proper gay like. I've also lost my phone charger, so have been without the services of my phone for the majority of the week. However, today we did get Sky TV sorted, which is always good. I went out all three nights last week, Liquid, Norma's, and Steam, each one being better than the previous night. Steam I was dressed in a pink tutu and leg warmers, but no pictures were taken, so think I dodged a bullet on that one.
I have ended up having an awesome timetable this year for once, I only have to be in on Thursdays and Fridays. The slight down side to this is that I might not get to see everyone as much as I would like, but I'm sure we'll make it work. The one thing I'm really excited about this year is the boxing club. Last year I was just kind of Andi's friend that came along, whereas, this year already I'm one of the group which is cool. I helped out on fresher fair and something like a 150 signed up for boxing (including the most beautiful girl I think I've seen in my life), and 50 odd people turned up today for the first session. It's nice seeing new faces and meeting new people while still being in the comfortable surrounding of your friends. I've also bought that denim jacket that I've wanted for ages and now I never want to take it off.
The one major setback is that not even a week in and Mike has left the house and university for good. It sucks that he's gone but what makes it worse is the way he left, just disappearing off the face of the planet with no one knowing what's going on. I think I've turned cold hearted, it's not bothered me as much as I thought it would have. I always think, one day I'm going to wake up and all these friends I have and people that like me, has all a dream and I'll go back to being alone again. Once you happily accept that, nothing can really disappoint you.
Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...
But now we speak with ruined tongues
And the words we say aren't meant for anyone
It's just a mumbled sentence to
A passing acquaintance.
But there was once you,
You said you hate my suffering, and you understood,
And you'd take care of me.
You'd always be there.
Well, where are you now?
And I sing and sing of awful things
The pleasure that my sadness brings
As my fingers press onto the strings,
Yet another clumsy chord.
But I talk in the mirror
To the stranger that appears
Our conversations are circles
Always one sided, nothing is clear.
Except we keep coming back
To this meaning that I lack.
He says the choices were given
And now, you must live them
Or just not live,
But do you want that?
x
Tuesday, 28 September 2010
Friday, 17 September 2010
It's Cool, We Can Still Be Friends
So I've kinda realised, I need to be obsessed with something, anything, to be happy. It's like the only time I feel genuinely happy, nothing else can bother me because I have 'whatever' to go back to. I think I've known this about myself for a while now, I clearly feel a different person once I'm in one of these phases, what I'm maybe learning is how shit life seems when I'm not. These so called phases of obsession can be over anything I like, and vary in how long they last. The first one I properly remember was Proof, just after he died, which lasted a good half a year of college. The most recent of these periods, was the Brand New thing I had, which is now over but lasted a good month and a bit. Other notable phases have involved, Eminem, Jeff Buckley, Bob Dylan, House, and Dexter, as well as smaller contributions by other cool people. Music and TV seems to be a favourite, just because it's the most accessible, I can always stick on the iPod or watch a interview or clip on the Internet.
The last couple of weeks have been pretty drab and bland. I constantly skip songs on my iPod, not knowing myself what I want to listen to, I don't know what mood I'm in. Same goes with movies I try to pick and watch. The closest thing to this love I've been feeling recently is Mickey Rourke. I always have time for this man, and after another show stealing hyped-up cameo he had in The Expendables, it's been all about him the last couple of days. I don't think there's anything left on the Internet that involves him, that I've not seen! He turned 58 yesterday and he is my hero, I could spend my whole life listening to him talk, love that kid.
I was bored earlier, just maxin' on Facebook and somehow ended up on 'my notes', which are a just a bunch of these daft questionnaire things that I used to love doing. They're all a couple of years old, but made me smile reading them back. So seeing as I have nothing new and interesting to say, I thought I'd post old stuff, it's funny to see where my head was at! :)
125 Questions (18 May, 2009)
1) Are you really ready for 125 questions? Why not
2) Was your last real relationship a mistake? Probably...who knows, who cares
3) Do you believe in God? Faith is a gift I have yet to recieve
4) Who last said "I love you" to you? And really meant it, I don't know.
5) Do you think they regret it? Maybe.. I do
6) Have you ever been depressed? Haha me?? Don't be silly!!
7) Have a best friend? I have three, aren't I lucky
8) Are you a boy or a girl? A MAN, apparently
9) Relationship status? Perpetual loneliness, fatigue, resignation
10) How do you want to die? Suicide but that's not going to happen unfortunately. Maybe getting hit by a car driven by someone you love, that might be cool.
11) What did you last eat? A mixed doner from Papa's with chilli sauce & ketchup and a Coke bottle :D
12) Play any sports? Not to any decent standard, no.
13) Do you bite your nails? Not really, but I do like to grow them sometimes to annoy my Mum.
14) When was your last physical fight? I don't really have physical fights, only slap Kashy a bit when I feel like it.
15) Do you have an attitude? Everyone has an attitude, stupid. Be it good or bad.
16) Do you like someone? I like everyone.
17) What is your real name? Bilalio
19) Are you gonna get high later? That'll take a lot of Coke
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? I probably dislike some people, no point hating really.
21) Do you miss someone? More then I would have thought.
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? I'm a bit of a twirler
23) Do you tan a lot? Haha, not really.
24) Have any pets? I had two goldfish once, they died. And they were delicious.
25) How exactly are you feeling? Incomplete
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone other than yourself is driving a car? Just today in fact.
27) Ever made out in the bathroom? Can't say I have
28) Would you take any of your exes back? N/A
29) Are you scared of spiders? Not really friends with them but not scared of them either.
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Depends on how I was feeling at the time.
31) Do you regret anything from your past? Yes, my past still haunts me.
32) What are your plans for this weekend? I'm not really a big planner, things either happen or don't.
33) Do you want to have kids? Yes 11, then I can create a football team.
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with a C, E or D? No but I did kiss a lad once called Ced.
35) Do you type fast? I could if I wanted to spell like Sidra, but I don't.
36) Do you have piercings? Only from where I stick pins in to myself.
37) Want any more? Why not, when I'm bored.
38) Can you spell well? Nto raelly. (How childish was that)
39) Do you miss anyone from your past? I'm sure you've asked me this before.
40) What are you craving right now? A MASSIVE SHIT!!
41) Ever been to a bonfire party? Once, when a few of us got together and set fire to a happy old couple.
43) Have you ever been on a horse? No, but I've been on a donkey I think. Horse, Donkey, Clocks, Water Melons, Chainsaws, they're all the same thing really.
44) Kissed someone in a car? No.
45) Have you ever broken someone's heart? Hopefully.
46) Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah by Sue Jepson (What do you mean sour grapes!)
47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Fuck off with these boyfriend/girlfriend questions will ya?!
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? I live with 8 and only intend on marrying one :D Come here Windy
50) What should you be doing? I should be doing what ever the fuck I want to be doing. Who the Fuck are you?
51) What's irritating you right now? Having to do these question again that I did earlier but deleted by accident!
52) Have you ever liked someone? I like shitty questions but that ones even disappointed me.
53) Does somebody love you? Maybe, who knows.. Probably not.
54) What is your favorite color? Red, Orange and Yellow. Nice firey colours. My room was once those colours. I miss it.
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Fuck vehicle, I just don't change clothes.
57) Do you have trust issues? Yes, I'm too naive and trust everyone.
59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink? :/
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah, we're alright I guess, they're parents.
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? Leave me alone!
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? I don't cry infront of people. Only stray Cats.
64) Do you give out second chances too easily? Seconds, but then your pushing it!
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? Definitely forgive, somethings I'll never forget, no matter how hard I try. So best to forgive and move on.
66) Is this year the best year of your life? How do I know, I haven't lived my life yet.
67) What was your childhood nickname? Never really had a nickname I don't think.
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Haha no but I've (almost) finished Uni, United are Champions, and Relapse has now officially released, so I should really being dancing naked in the streets
69) Do you think you're a good person? No, I'm an evil person with evil thoughts, just like everyone else.
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Things happen whether there's a reason or not.
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Listened to music I guess.
73) What is bothering you? Too many little things. One big thing.
74) Have you ever been out of England? Yes.
75) Do you play the Wii? I played some silly baseball game once, ha.
76) Are you listening to music right now? I'm always listening to music, whether it's on or not.
77) Do you like Chinese food? My favourite. I also like chinese peoples hair.
78) Do you know your fathers birthday? I know it's in April, my sisters remind me when it's near.
79) Are you afraid of the dark? I love the dark, I prefer it.
81) Are you mean? I'm every little four year old's nightmare.
82) Can you keep white shoes clean? Never, I like them dirty.
83) Do you believe exes can be friends? Yes.
84) Do you believe in true love? I don't know. What's true love?
85) Are you proud of the person you've become? Hell no, I'm just barely a person.
88) Do you like the outside? Sometimes, when it's cold and rainy and I have my iPod.
89) Are you currently bored? I tend to get bored rather easily. But my head is slightly diseased so I can live with it most of the time. Maybe I need to spice things up; cut my hair, delete Facebook, break an arm, something.
90) Do you wanna get married? One day, maybe.
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? NO!
92) Are you hungry? Just eaten, but always room for sweets.
93) Do you have a bank account? HAHA, I used to until NatWest thought it'd be funny to fuck me about.
94) What makes you happy? Hassan, Mo, and Baker.
95) Would you change your name? I have, from now on I shall be known as Christopher Reeves.
96) Ever been to Alaska? No, I like cold but not that cold!
98) Do you watch the news? I watch 'Have I Got News For You', does that count?
99) What' s your sign? Taurus, and no it doesn't mean anything.
100) Do you like Subway? I don't like the people that work there.
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? They have now died.
102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I like them back.
103) Do you talk like your friends? Yes, it's funny, I have one language for back home and one for Uni. I think I'm in my Uni one now. I prefer my home one, it's easier. This act is hard to keep up.
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? I try to avoid people all the time.
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Maybe, don't know, don't think so.
107) Who is the last guy you talked to? Umm probably Welsh or someone.
108) Do you think your ex still likes you? Fuck off with the ex, she's chillin in a forrest somewhere, leave her alone.
109) Would you kiss an ugly person for £1000? I'd kiss a Monkey just for fun.
109) What's your favourite old-person name? Jim
110) Are you a Hannah Montana fan? Who?
111) Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with? Myself.
113) Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos? I love tattoos, they facinate me.
114) What is the last thing you thought about? The pain in my neck.
114) What's the first thing that comes to mind beginning with T? Tea
115) You're a Sharpie marker, what color are you? Get a life.
116) Is it awkward when no ones talking? Yes, I think it's funny though.
117) Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Morning.
118) Who gave you the last high five? Welsh I think, when going out to play Tennis in the rain
119) Do you want to please everyone? Yes, which is impossible, so I'm forever a failure.
120) Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? I heard a new Em song that reminded me of Proof today.
121) Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it? Yes, not recently though I don't think
122) Are you alone? Yes, isn't it peaceful!
123) Do you have any older siblings? 2
124) How's your day going so far? It's either just ended or just starting depending on how you look at it.
125) How many months until your birthday? About 11, what a shit question to end it on! Who the fuck cares about birthdays??
My Life According To Jeff Buckley (18 August, 2009)
1. Are you a male or female: Dream Brother
2. Describe yourself: Murder Suicide Meteor Slave
3. How do you feel: Please Send Me Someone To Love
4. Describe where you currently live: Lost Highway
5. If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Strawberry Street
6. Your favorite form of transportation: Night Flight
7. Your best friend is: The Man That Got Away
8. Your favorite color is: Lilac Wine
9. What's the weather like: Nightmares By The Sea
10. Favorite time of day: Morning Theft
11. If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Grace
12. What is life to you: Opened Once
13. Your relationship: I Want Someone Badly
14. Your fear: If You Knew
15. What is the best advice you have to give: Forget Her
16. If you could change your name, what would it be: Nusrat, He's My Elvis
17. Thought for the Day: Lover, You Should've Come Over
18. How I would like to die: Eternal Life
19. My soul's present condition: I Know It's Over
20. My motto: All Flowers In Time (Bend Towards The Sun)
Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
x
The last couple of weeks have been pretty drab and bland. I constantly skip songs on my iPod, not knowing myself what I want to listen to, I don't know what mood I'm in. Same goes with movies I try to pick and watch. The closest thing to this love I've been feeling recently is Mickey Rourke. I always have time for this man, and after another show stealing hyped-up cameo he had in The Expendables, it's been all about him the last couple of days. I don't think there's anything left on the Internet that involves him, that I've not seen! He turned 58 yesterday and he is my hero, I could spend my whole life listening to him talk, love that kid.
I was bored earlier, just maxin' on Facebook and somehow ended up on 'my notes', which are a just a bunch of these daft questionnaire things that I used to love doing. They're all a couple of years old, but made me smile reading them back. So seeing as I have nothing new and interesting to say, I thought I'd post old stuff, it's funny to see where my head was at! :)
125 Questions (18 May, 2009)
1) Are you really ready for 125 questions? Why not
2) Was your last real relationship a mistake? Probably...who knows, who cares
3) Do you believe in God? Faith is a gift I have yet to recieve
4) Who last said "I love you" to you? And really meant it, I don't know.
5) Do you think they regret it? Maybe.. I do
6) Have you ever been depressed? Haha me?? Don't be silly!!
7) Have a best friend? I have three, aren't I lucky
8) Are you a boy or a girl? A MAN, apparently
9) Relationship status? Perpetual loneliness, fatigue, resignation
10) How do you want to die? Suicide but that's not going to happen unfortunately. Maybe getting hit by a car driven by someone you love, that might be cool.
11) What did you last eat? A mixed doner from Papa's with chilli sauce & ketchup and a Coke bottle :D
12) Play any sports? Not to any decent standard, no.
13) Do you bite your nails? Not really, but I do like to grow them sometimes to annoy my Mum.
14) When was your last physical fight? I don't really have physical fights, only slap Kashy a bit when I feel like it.
15) Do you have an attitude? Everyone has an attitude, stupid. Be it good or bad.
16) Do you like someone? I like everyone.
17) What is your real name? Bilalio
19) Are you gonna get high later? That'll take a lot of Coke
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? I probably dislike some people, no point hating really.
21) Do you miss someone? More then I would have thought.
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? I'm a bit of a twirler
23) Do you tan a lot? Haha, not really.
24) Have any pets? I had two goldfish once, they died. And they were delicious.
25) How exactly are you feeling? Incomplete
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone other than yourself is driving a car? Just today in fact.
27) Ever made out in the bathroom? Can't say I have
28) Would you take any of your exes back? N/A
29) Are you scared of spiders? Not really friends with them but not scared of them either.
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Depends on how I was feeling at the time.
31) Do you regret anything from your past? Yes, my past still haunts me.
32) What are your plans for this weekend? I'm not really a big planner, things either happen or don't.
33) Do you want to have kids? Yes 11, then I can create a football team.
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with a C, E or D? No but I did kiss a lad once called Ced.
35) Do you type fast? I could if I wanted to spell like Sidra, but I don't.
36) Do you have piercings? Only from where I stick pins in to myself.
37) Want any more? Why not, when I'm bored.
38) Can you spell well? Nto raelly. (How childish was that)
39) Do you miss anyone from your past? I'm sure you've asked me this before.
40) What are you craving right now? A MASSIVE SHIT!!
41) Ever been to a bonfire party? Once, when a few of us got together and set fire to a happy old couple.
43) Have you ever been on a horse? No, but I've been on a donkey I think. Horse, Donkey, Clocks, Water Melons, Chainsaws, they're all the same thing really.
44) Kissed someone in a car? No.
45) Have you ever broken someone's heart? Hopefully.
46) Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah by Sue Jepson (What do you mean sour grapes!)
47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Fuck off with these boyfriend/girlfriend questions will ya?!
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? I live with 8 and only intend on marrying one :D Come here Windy
50) What should you be doing? I should be doing what ever the fuck I want to be doing. Who the Fuck are you?
51) What's irritating you right now? Having to do these question again that I did earlier but deleted by accident!
52) Have you ever liked someone? I like shitty questions but that ones even disappointed me.
53) Does somebody love you? Maybe, who knows.. Probably not.
54) What is your favorite color? Red, Orange and Yellow. Nice firey colours. My room was once those colours. I miss it.
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Fuck vehicle, I just don't change clothes.
57) Do you have trust issues? Yes, I'm too naive and trust everyone.
59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink? :/
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah, we're alright I guess, they're parents.
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? Leave me alone!
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? I don't cry infront of people. Only stray Cats.
64) Do you give out second chances too easily? Seconds, but then your pushing it!
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? Definitely forgive, somethings I'll never forget, no matter how hard I try. So best to forgive and move on.
66) Is this year the best year of your life? How do I know, I haven't lived my life yet.
67) What was your childhood nickname? Never really had a nickname I don't think.
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Haha no but I've (almost) finished Uni, United are Champions, and Relapse has now officially released, so I should really being dancing naked in the streets
69) Do you think you're a good person? No, I'm an evil person with evil thoughts, just like everyone else.
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Things happen whether there's a reason or not.
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Listened to music I guess.
73) What is bothering you? Too many little things. One big thing.
74) Have you ever been out of England? Yes.
75) Do you play the Wii? I played some silly baseball game once, ha.
76) Are you listening to music right now? I'm always listening to music, whether it's on or not.
77) Do you like Chinese food? My favourite. I also like chinese peoples hair.
78) Do you know your fathers birthday? I know it's in April, my sisters remind me when it's near.
79) Are you afraid of the dark? I love the dark, I prefer it.
81) Are you mean? I'm every little four year old's nightmare.
82) Can you keep white shoes clean? Never, I like them dirty.
83) Do you believe exes can be friends? Yes.
84) Do you believe in true love? I don't know. What's true love?
85) Are you proud of the person you've become? Hell no, I'm just barely a person.
88) Do you like the outside? Sometimes, when it's cold and rainy and I have my iPod.
89) Are you currently bored? I tend to get bored rather easily. But my head is slightly diseased so I can live with it most of the time. Maybe I need to spice things up; cut my hair, delete Facebook, break an arm, something.
90) Do you wanna get married? One day, maybe.
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? NO!
92) Are you hungry? Just eaten, but always room for sweets.
93) Do you have a bank account? HAHA, I used to until NatWest thought it'd be funny to fuck me about.
94) What makes you happy? Hassan, Mo, and Baker.
95) Would you change your name? I have, from now on I shall be known as Christopher Reeves.
96) Ever been to Alaska? No, I like cold but not that cold!
98) Do you watch the news? I watch 'Have I Got News For You', does that count?
99) What' s your sign? Taurus, and no it doesn't mean anything.
100) Do you like Subway? I don't like the people that work there.
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? They have now died.
102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I like them back.
103) Do you talk like your friends? Yes, it's funny, I have one language for back home and one for Uni. I think I'm in my Uni one now. I prefer my home one, it's easier. This act is hard to keep up.
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? I try to avoid people all the time.
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Maybe, don't know, don't think so.
107) Who is the last guy you talked to? Umm probably Welsh or someone.
108) Do you think your ex still likes you? Fuck off with the ex, she's chillin in a forrest somewhere, leave her alone.
109) Would you kiss an ugly person for £1000? I'd kiss a Monkey just for fun.
109) What's your favourite old-person name? Jim
110) Are you a Hannah Montana fan? Who?
111) Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with? Myself.
113) Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos? I love tattoos, they facinate me.
114) What is the last thing you thought about? The pain in my neck.
114) What's the first thing that comes to mind beginning with T? Tea
115) You're a Sharpie marker, what color are you? Get a life.
116) Is it awkward when no ones talking? Yes, I think it's funny though.
117) Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Morning.
118) Who gave you the last high five? Welsh I think, when going out to play Tennis in the rain
119) Do you want to please everyone? Yes, which is impossible, so I'm forever a failure.
120) Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? I heard a new Em song that reminded me of Proof today.
121) Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it? Yes, not recently though I don't think
122) Are you alone? Yes, isn't it peaceful!
123) Do you have any older siblings? 2
124) How's your day going so far? It's either just ended or just starting depending on how you look at it.
125) How many months until your birthday? About 11, what a shit question to end it on! Who the fuck cares about birthdays??
My Life According To Jeff Buckley (18 August, 2009)
1. Are you a male or female: Dream Brother
2. Describe yourself: Murder Suicide Meteor Slave
3. How do you feel: Please Send Me Someone To Love
4. Describe where you currently live: Lost Highway
5. If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Strawberry Street
6. Your favorite form of transportation: Night Flight
7. Your best friend is: The Man That Got Away
8. Your favorite color is: Lilac Wine
9. What's the weather like: Nightmares By The Sea
10. Favorite time of day: Morning Theft
11. If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Grace
12. What is life to you: Opened Once
13. Your relationship: I Want Someone Badly
14. Your fear: If You Knew
15. What is the best advice you have to give: Forget Her
16. If you could change your name, what would it be: Nusrat, He's My Elvis
17. Thought for the Day: Lover, You Should've Come Over
18. How I would like to die: Eternal Life
19. My soul's present condition: I Know It's Over
20. My motto: All Flowers In Time (Bend Towards The Sun)
Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
x
Tuesday, 14 September 2010
Let's Have A Toast For The Douchebags
Recently, I've not really been up to much or had anything relevant to say, and the blog has suffered the consequences. I sit here now feeling unmotivated and uninspired. The days have just sort of drifted away, with nothing of worth noting down. Not even listening to anything in paticular.
What has happened in the last week or so since you heard from me, is that I've now stopped fasting, which is a welcome relief. It was a long month, and to be honest I don't think I changed anything I wanted or became a better person; I still complain too much, still don't appreciate what I have, still have no patience and get into arguments and generally annoy people. Friday was Eid, which was ok, nothing special really. Although, I did end up getting £30 out of it. I didn't get the jacket that I wanted so I just tramped it out, but it's alright because I'm a tramp idol. It also happened to be Maria's birthday.
What has happened in the last week or so since you heard from me, is that I've now stopped fasting, which is a welcome relief. It was a long month, and to be honest I don't think I changed anything I wanted or became a better person; I still complain too much, still don't appreciate what I have, still have no patience and get into arguments and generally annoy people. Friday was Eid, which was ok, nothing special really. Although, I did end up getting £30 out of it. I didn't get the jacket that I wanted so I just tramped it out, but it's alright because I'm a tramp idol. It also happened to be Maria's birthday.
Thankfully, it's moved on now, but for the last few days the local fair came to the park outside my house. It just meant lots of people, noise and colours, all just makes me a little bit nautious. However, I did end up going along with my sister and uncle on the last night just before it closed, we were like the only people on the Energizer and Dodgems.
I've added a new tv show to my like list, called Rizzoli & Isles. It centres around the two main female characters, Jane Rizzoli a detective and Maura Isles a medical examiner, who work together to solve homicide cases. It's a new show and only one season old, which I finished watching today, it's a pretty intense drama. I had intended to spend this summer watching hyped up main stream shows, but after a slow start I've ended up becoming a fan of two new small American tv series that no one I know will have heard of, White Collar and Rizzoli and Isles, such a lonely life.
So summer's sort of coming to a close, this time next week, I will be in my new house in Crewe, living the Uni life. It's been a pretty mixed bag really, peaked early and then steadily declining ever since. It started with the release of Recovery, which turned me into beaming retard with a smile ear to ear. That was followed by the start of the World Cup, which in turn was followed by the highlight of the summer, the trip to Egypt. It's funny 'cause I remember saying something similar in the post just before I left for Egypt, but it feels like everything in life is a double edged sword, everything good has a consequence. For example, the trip to Egypt which was easily the best part of the summer, led me to the worst thing about my summer, having absolutely no money for the remainder of my time here. It's a delicate balance, in retrospect would I have done the same thing, who knows.
Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...
The death of a blog? Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me in a while.
x
Monday, 6 September 2010
Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk
So I've decided I'm not very fussy, I'd marry any one of them...
Yvonne Strahovski
Beth Riesgraf
Yvonne Strahovski
Olivia Wilde
Stana Katic
Beth Riesgraf
Amanda Righetti
Thoughts/Quotes/Lyrics of the Day...
Twenty-nine pearls in your kiss, a singing smile,
Coffee smell and lilac skin, your flame in me,
I'm only here for this moment.
I know everybody here wants you,
I know everybody here thinks he needs you.
x
Thursday, 2 September 2010
The Collection - Part 3
I thought I'd post a few more treats for you. They were written somewhere in between a three year period, so reflect whatever I was feeling at the time and vary in content accordingly. I don't actually like posting stuff such as this, just because I don't really feel comfortable talking about it, as contradictory as that sounds. So enjoy it, make of them what you will, but please leave out the awkward questioning.
----------------------------------
Grace
You linger in my thoughts and in my sleep
When I drink and when I eat
In my nightmares and in my dreams
Every time I talk, every time I breathe
I’m so close and yet so far
Are we together or are we apart?
Are we a part of something bigger then this?
Bigger then this ‘love’ that’s only seen through the mist
Do you realise how hard it is
Walking up these lonely stairs,
Knowing that when you reach the top
There’s going to be no-one there that cares?
Friends is maybe all we’re supposed to be
The truth is, you’ll never be close to me
I feel you should have made the most of me
Regret it when the world decides to dispose of me
But the game has been settled, I’ve heard the score
The rejections have hurt I can’t take many more
I have lost, I have lost and furthermore,
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore
-----------------------------------
The Only Way To Cross The River Of Fire Is By Drowning
Your heart has fallen for a love
It’s going to have to forget
Come into the midst of love
And look from where you first met
Even if you were blessed with beauty
Your insecurities are too great
They will hunt you down and make you fail
To find your eternal mate
This intoxication is your beauty’s fault
Your love is my entire life
You already knew it was over
So why go through the strife?
She’s moved on and is perfectly happy
And now you must do the same
So my smile continues to deceive the world
But that doesn’t heal the pain…
-----------------------------------
Second Best
If only you could see the irony in your words
You would not say what you do
We spend hours talking and laughing
Endless days comforting you when he’s away
But soon as he is back
You forget I ever existed
I take solace in the fact I’ve been here before
Waiting for him to leave again
And for you to come back to me
Love me out of desire, not consolation
The love that last longest is the one that is unreturned
It’s not the despair that kills you, it’s the hope.
------------------------------------
A Pure Drop In An Ocean Of Noise
Can’t wait ‘till I’m gone, can rest in peace
Live forever without the stress and grief
Can’t push my feelings aside, I’ve died inside
No point trying to swim against the rising tide
The constant pressure, I’m under siege
Everyone waiting for me to under achieve
As the days go on, people come and go
Too many times, saying goodbye before hello
I feel defeated, beaten and filled with sin
Only person in the race and still won’t win
I feel ugly, bored, tired and sick
I want to stop breathing, I’m dying to quit.
-----------------------------------
Vodka & Vicodin
So I continue to hurt myself
It’s no more then I deserve
I go back to my oldest friend
The drink, I could never swerve
I lost everyone that ever loved me
Chased away anyone that cared
I go back to the only thing I have,
The ugly drug to which I’m snared
I’m sick of following my dreams
Tired of reaching out for greater
I’ll ask them where they’re going
And catch up with them later
Some days I see a pool of blood
And imagine myself lying in it.
But I know, living in misery sucks
Marginally less then dying in it
-----------------------------------
I Know Enough To Know I Don’t Know Much
We talk all night but I don’t hear your voice
I don’t feel you near me, it’s not my choice
I don’t get to see you smiling at what I said
We talk all night but sleep in different beds
Our love is unspoken in a broken heart
We’ve both lost the time to play the part
And if this were a movie, we’d find a way
Yet here in real life, I have no lines to say
I’m vile and depraved; I know where I stand
I can’t be saved, so please remove your hand
Push you away; hope you discover who you are
I don’t deserve you, I’d only bring you scars
-----------------------------------
----------------------------------
Grace
You linger in my thoughts and in my sleep
When I drink and when I eat
In my nightmares and in my dreams
Every time I talk, every time I breathe
I’m so close and yet so far
Are we together or are we apart?
Are we a part of something bigger then this?
Bigger then this ‘love’ that’s only seen through the mist
Do you realise how hard it is
Walking up these lonely stairs,
Knowing that when you reach the top
There’s going to be no-one there that cares?
Friends is maybe all we’re supposed to be
The truth is, you’ll never be close to me
I feel you should have made the most of me
Regret it when the world decides to dispose of me
But the game has been settled, I’ve heard the score
The rejections have hurt I can’t take many more
I have lost, I have lost and furthermore,
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore
-----------------------------------
The Only Way To Cross The River Of Fire Is By Drowning
Your heart has fallen for a love
It’s going to have to forget
Come into the midst of love
And look from where you first met
Even if you were blessed with beauty
Your insecurities are too great
They will hunt you down and make you fail
To find your eternal mate
This intoxication is your beauty’s fault
Your love is my entire life
You already knew it was over
So why go through the strife?
She’s moved on and is perfectly happy
And now you must do the same
So my smile continues to deceive the world
But that doesn’t heal the pain…
-----------------------------------
Second Best
If only you could see the irony in your words
You would not say what you do
We spend hours talking and laughing
Endless days comforting you when he’s away
But soon as he is back
You forget I ever existed
I take solace in the fact I’ve been here before
Waiting for him to leave again
And for you to come back to me
Love me out of desire, not consolation
The love that last longest is the one that is unreturned
It’s not the despair that kills you, it’s the hope.
------------------------------------
A Pure Drop In An Ocean Of Noise
Can’t wait ‘till I’m gone, can rest in peace
Live forever without the stress and grief
Can’t push my feelings aside, I’ve died inside
No point trying to swim against the rising tide
The constant pressure, I’m under siege
Everyone waiting for me to under achieve
As the days go on, people come and go
Too many times, saying goodbye before hello
I feel defeated, beaten and filled with sin
Only person in the race and still won’t win
I feel ugly, bored, tired and sick
I want to stop breathing, I’m dying to quit.
-----------------------------------
Vodka & Vicodin
So I continue to hurt myself
It’s no more then I deserve
I go back to my oldest friend
The drink, I could never swerve
I lost everyone that ever loved me
Chased away anyone that cared
I go back to the only thing I have,
The ugly drug to which I’m snared
I’m sick of following my dreams
Tired of reaching out for greater
I’ll ask them where they’re going
And catch up with them later
Some days I see a pool of blood
And imagine myself lying in it.
But I know, living in misery sucks
Marginally less then dying in it
-----------------------------------
I Know Enough To Know I Don’t Know Much
We talk all night but I don’t hear your voice
I don’t feel you near me, it’s not my choice
I don’t get to see you smiling at what I said
We talk all night but sleep in different beds
Our love is unspoken in a broken heart
We’ve both lost the time to play the part
And if this were a movie, we’d find a way
Yet here in real life, I have no lines to say
I’m vile and depraved; I know where I stand
I can’t be saved, so please remove your hand
Push you away; hope you discover who you are
I don’t deserve you, I’d only bring you scars
-----------------------------------
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't
Now that Summer is pretty much done, we can all go back to looking good again. Yes it's nice to see beautiful people walking around not wearing much, but for I for one definitely look better the more covered I am. This being said the Autumn/Winter season is my favourite for clothes. The weather is decent enough so you can still enjoy being outdoors, whilst it still being cold enough to be able to wear layers without melting. Continuing slightly with the the theme of the last entry, I've been looking and found a few items that I would love to add to my wardrobe. It really has been a long time since I've bought something, and I feel a few new pieces would be a welcome addition for the year ahead...
Unsurprisingly, these items all happen to be from River Island, and the grand total of them, with the jacket from the last post included, comes to a tasty £236. I know what I'll be spending my loan on then. It would be a lot easier if I didn't have to buy a new laptop as well.
So as I alluded to in the post yesterday, I started watching a new show called White Collar. Maria came home over the weekend and was raving about it, so I've spent the last three days getting up to date with it, which is half way through its second season. It is about a charming, expert, highly intelligent, art forger and criminal. The whole show begins with him escaping jail and subsequently being caught by the same F.B.I agent for the second time. The reason behind his escape, with only months left on his sentence, is to find his girlfriend who he thinks is in trouble. Cafferty the criminal, manages to broker a deal with Burke the F.B.I agent, which involves him being released under the FBI's custody to help consult on other similar cases.
At the moment, I'm just going to say it's good but nothing special. I don't know if it's better than any of the others shows that I watch, however I'll keep watching it. Plus, it's given me something to pass the long days and late nights whilst staying up waiting for eating time.
Unsurprisingly, these items all happen to be from River Island, and the grand total of them, with the jacket from the last post included, comes to a tasty £236. I know what I'll be spending my loan on then. It would be a lot easier if I didn't have to buy a new laptop as well.
So as I alluded to in the post yesterday, I started watching a new show called White Collar. Maria came home over the weekend and was raving about it, so I've spent the last three days getting up to date with it, which is half way through its second season. It is about a charming, expert, highly intelligent, art forger and criminal. The whole show begins with him escaping jail and subsequently being caught by the same F.B.I agent for the second time. The reason behind his escape, with only months left on his sentence, is to find his girlfriend who he thinks is in trouble. Cafferty the criminal, manages to broker a deal with Burke the F.B.I agent, which involves him being released under the FBI's custody to help consult on other similar cases.
At the moment, I'm just going to say it's good but nothing special. I don't know if it's better than any of the others shows that I watch, however I'll keep watching it. Plus, it's given me something to pass the long days and late nights whilst staying up waiting for eating time.
It's finally September which means that House, Dexter, Chuck, and Castle all start again! All the seasons ended in really dramatic fashion, so the wait for new episodes have been exciting. I already know that for House and Dexter at least, the new season begins right where the last ones ended. Thought I'd post some links of the season endings, even if I'm the only one that'll watch them.
House and Cuddy finally got together after six seasons, now we get to see if they can actually work as a couple. Plus, House is meant to now be happy, which will be weird but intriguing. Very tense finale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghM0nAHbZ-U&feature=related
Dexter's shocking final scene. This is the first time I'll be watching it since December, and finally in real time as I caught up with the first four seasons after they had aired. What will become of Dexter?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pd8907jjkU4&has_verified=1
Castle's finale ended up being one of the saddest episodes I have seen of any drama and what really elevated it in my opinion. Plus, there's an amazing song written just for this episode.
House and Cuddy finally got together after six seasons, now we get to see if they can actually work as a couple. Plus, House is meant to now be happy, which will be weird but intriguing. Very tense finale.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghM0nAHbZ-U&feature=related
Dexter's shocking final scene. This is the first time I'll be watching it since December, and finally in real time as I caught up with the first four seasons after they had aired. What will become of Dexter?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pd8907jjkU4&has_verified=1
Castle's finale ended up being one of the saddest episodes I have seen of any drama and what really elevated it in my opinion. Plus, there's an amazing song written just for this episode.
Chuck ended with his father being killed and his mother who we thought was dead arriving on the scene. Couldn't find a decent clip. And while all these have been away, Leverage has kept me going and deserves a mention.
Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...
Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night is hard to get through
x
Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...
Do you believe you're missing out?
That everything good is happening somewhere else
But with nobody in your bed
The night is hard to get through
x
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