So I've kinda realised, I need to be obsessed with something, anything, to be happy. It's like the only time I feel genuinely happy, nothing else can bother me because I have 'whatever' to go back to. I think I've known this about myself for a while now, I clearly feel a different person once I'm in one of these phases, what I'm maybe learning is how shit life seems when I'm not. These so called phases of obsession can be over anything I like, and vary in how long they last. The first one I properly remember was Proof, just after he died, which lasted a good half a year of college. The most recent of these periods, was the Brand New thing I had, which is now over but lasted a good month and a bit. Other notable phases have involved, Eminem, Jeff Buckley, Bob Dylan, House, and Dexter, as well as smaller contributions by other cool people. Music and TV seems to be a favourite, just because it's the most accessible, I can always stick on the iPod or watch a interview or clip on the Internet.
The last couple of weeks have been pretty drab and bland. I constantly skip songs on my iPod, not knowing myself what I want to listen to, I don't know what mood I'm in. Same goes with movies I try to pick and watch. The closest thing to this love I've been feeling recently is Mickey Rourke. I always have time for this man, and after another show stealing hyped-up cameo he had in The Expendables, it's been all about him the last couple of days. I don't think there's anything left on the Internet that involves him, that I've not seen! He turned 58 yesterday and he is my hero, I could spend my whole life listening to him talk, love that kid.
I was bored earlier, just maxin' on Facebook and somehow ended up on 'my notes', which are a just a bunch of these daft questionnaire things that I used to love doing. They're all a couple of years old, but made me smile reading them back. So seeing as I have nothing new and interesting to say, I thought I'd post old stuff, it's funny to see where my head was at! :)
125 Questions (18 May, 2009)
1) Are you really ready for 125 questions? Why not
2) Was your last real relationship a mistake? Probably...who knows, who cares
3) Do you believe in God? Faith is a gift I have yet to recieve
4) Who last said "I love you" to you? And really meant it, I don't know.
5) Do you think they regret it? Maybe.. I do
6) Have you ever been depressed? Haha me?? Don't be silly!!
7) Have a best friend? I have three, aren't I lucky
8) Are you a boy or a girl? A MAN, apparently
9) Relationship status? Perpetual loneliness, fatigue, resignation
10) How do you want to die? Suicide but that's not going to happen unfortunately. Maybe getting hit by a car driven by someone you love, that might be cool.
11) What did you last eat? A mixed doner from Papa's with chilli sauce & ketchup and a Coke bottle :D
12) Play any sports? Not to any decent standard, no.
13) Do you bite your nails? Not really, but I do like to grow them sometimes to annoy my Mum.
14) When was your last physical fight? I don't really have physical fights, only slap Kashy a bit when I feel like it.
15) Do you have an attitude? Everyone has an attitude, stupid. Be it good or bad.
16) Do you like someone? I like everyone.
17) What is your real name? Bilalio
19) Are you gonna get high later? That'll take a lot of Coke
20) Do you hate anyone at the moment? I probably dislike some people, no point hating really.
21) Do you miss someone? More then I would have thought.
22) Twirl or cut your spaghetti? I'm a bit of a twirler
23) Do you tan a lot? Haha, not really.
24) Have any pets? I had two goldfish once, they died. And they were delicious.
25) How exactly are you feeling? Incomplete
26) Ever eaten food in a car while someone other than yourself is driving a car? Just today in fact.
27) Ever made out in the bathroom? Can't say I have
28) Would you take any of your exes back? N/A
29) Are you scared of spiders? Not really friends with them but not scared of them either.
30) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Depends on how I was feeling at the time.
31) Do you regret anything from your past? Yes, my past still haunts me.
32) What are your plans for this weekend? I'm not really a big planner, things either happen or don't.
33) Do you want to have kids? Yes 11, then I can create a football team.
34) Did you ever kiss someone whose name starts with a C, E or D? No but I did kiss a lad once called Ced.
35) Do you type fast? I could if I wanted to spell like Sidra, but I don't.
36) Do you have piercings? Only from where I stick pins in to myself.
37) Want any more? Why not, when I'm bored.
38) Can you spell well? Nto raelly. (How childish was that)
39) Do you miss anyone from your past? I'm sure you've asked me this before.
40) What are you craving right now? A MASSIVE SHIT!!
41) Ever been to a bonfire party? Once, when a few of us got together and set fire to a happy old couple.
43) Have you ever been on a horse? No, but I've been on a donkey I think. Horse, Donkey, Clocks, Water Melons, Chainsaws, they're all the same thing really.
44) Kissed someone in a car? No.
45) Have you ever broken someone's heart? Hopefully.
46) Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah by Sue Jepson (What do you mean sour grapes!)
47) Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? Fuck off with these boyfriend/girlfriend questions will ya?!
49) Would you live with someone without marrying them? I live with 8 and only intend on marrying one :D Come here Windy
50) What should you be doing? I should be doing what ever the fuck I want to be doing. Who the Fuck are you?
51) What's irritating you right now? Having to do these question again that I did earlier but deleted by accident!
52) Have you ever liked someone? I like shitty questions but that ones even disappointed me.
53) Does somebody love you? Maybe, who knows.. Probably not.
54) What is your favorite color? Red, Orange and Yellow. Nice firey colours. My room was once those colours. I miss it.
55) Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle? Fuck vehicle, I just don't change clothes.
57) Do you have trust issues? Yes, I'm too naive and trust everyone.
59) Have you ever shaved in the kitchen sink? :/
60) Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah, we're alright I guess, they're parents.
62) Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you? Leave me alone!
63) Who was the last person you cried in front of? I don't cry infront of people. Only stray Cats.
64) Do you give out second chances too easily? Seconds, but then your pushing it!
65) Is it easier to forgive or forget? Definitely forgive, somethings I'll never forget, no matter how hard I try. So best to forgive and move on.
66) Is this year the best year of your life? How do I know, I haven't lived my life yet.
67) What was your childhood nickname? Never really had a nickname I don't think.
68) Have you ever walked outside completely naked? Haha no but I've (almost) finished Uni, United are Champions, and Relapse has now officially released, so I should really being dancing naked in the streets
69) Do you think you're a good person? No, I'm an evil person with evil thoughts, just like everyone else.
70) Do you believe everything happens for a reason? Things happen whether there's a reason or not.
71) What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? Listened to music I guess.
73) What is bothering you? Too many little things. One big thing.
74) Have you ever been out of England? Yes.
75) Do you play the Wii? I played some silly baseball game once, ha.
76) Are you listening to music right now? I'm always listening to music, whether it's on or not.
77) Do you like Chinese food? My favourite. I also like chinese peoples hair.
78) Do you know your fathers birthday? I know it's in April, my sisters remind me when it's near.
79) Are you afraid of the dark? I love the dark, I prefer it.
81) Are you mean? I'm every little four year old's nightmare.
82) Can you keep white shoes clean? Never, I like them dirty.
83) Do you believe exes can be friends? Yes.
84) Do you believe in true love? I don't know. What's true love?
85) Are you proud of the person you've become? Hell no, I'm just barely a person.
88) Do you like the outside? Sometimes, when it's cold and rainy and I have my iPod.
89) Are you currently bored? I tend to get bored rather easily. But my head is slightly diseased so I can live with it most of the time. Maybe I need to spice things up; cut my hair, delete Facebook, break an arm, something.
90) Do you wanna get married? One day, maybe.
91) Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe? NO!
92) Are you hungry? Just eaten, but always room for sweets.
93) Do you have a bank account? HAHA, I used to until NatWest thought it'd be funny to fuck me about.
94) What makes you happy? Hassan, Mo, and Baker.
95) Would you change your name? I have, from now on I shall be known as Christopher Reeves.
96) Ever been to Alaska? No, I like cold but not that cold!
98) Do you watch the news? I watch 'Have I Got News For You', does that count?
99) What' s your sign? Taurus, and no it doesn't mean anything.
100) Do you like Subway? I don't like the people that work there.
101) Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? They have now died.
102) Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? I like them back.
103) Do you talk like your friends? Yes, it's funny, I have one language for back home and one for Uni. I think I'm in my Uni one now. I prefer my home one, it's easier. This act is hard to keep up.
105) Have you ever seen someone you knew & purposely avoided them? I try to avoid people all the time.
106) Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? Maybe, don't know, don't think so.
107) Who is the last guy you talked to? Umm probably Welsh or someone.
108) Do you think your ex still likes you? Fuck off with the ex, she's chillin in a forrest somewhere, leave her alone.
109) Would you kiss an ugly person for £1000? I'd kiss a Monkey just for fun.
109) What's your favourite old-person name? Jim
110) Are you a Hannah Montana fan? Who?
111) Who's the last person you had a deep conversation with? Myself.
113) Do you enjoy piercings & tattoos? I love tattoos, they facinate me.
114) What is the last thing you thought about? The pain in my neck.
114) What's the first thing that comes to mind beginning with T? Tea
115) You're a Sharpie marker, what color are you? Get a life.
116) Is it awkward when no ones talking? Yes, I think it's funny though.
117) Do you prefer to shower at night or in the morning? Morning.
118) Who gave you the last high five? Welsh I think, when going out to play Tennis in the rain
119) Do you want to please everyone? Yes, which is impossible, so I'm forever a failure.
120) Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? I heard a new Em song that reminded me of Proof today.
121) Has someone ever made you a promise & broken it? Yes, not recently though I don't think
122) Are you alone? Yes, isn't it peaceful!
123) Do you have any older siblings? 2
124) How's your day going so far? It's either just ended or just starting depending on how you look at it.
125) How many months until your birthday? About 11, what a shit question to end it on! Who the fuck cares about birthdays??
My Life According To Jeff Buckley (18 August, 2009)
1. Are you a male or female: Dream Brother
2. Describe yourself: Murder Suicide Meteor Slave
3. How do you feel: Please Send Me Someone To Love
4. Describe where you currently live: Lost Highway
5. If you could go anywhere, where would you go: Strawberry Street
6. Your favorite form of transportation: Night Flight
7. Your best friend is: The Man That Got Away
8. Your favorite color is: Lilac Wine
9. What's the weather like: Nightmares By The Sea
10. Favorite time of day: Morning Theft
11. If your life was a TV show, what would it be called: Grace
12. What is life to you: Opened Once
13. Your relationship: I Want Someone Badly
14. Your fear: If You Knew
15. What is the best advice you have to give: Forget Her
16. If you could change your name, what would it be: Nusrat, He's My Elvis
17. Thought for the Day: Lover, You Should've Come Over
18. How I would like to die: Eternal Life
19. My soul's present condition: I Know It's Over
20. My motto: All Flowers In Time (Bend Towards The Sun)
Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.
x
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