I thought I'd post a few more treats for you. They were written somewhere in between a three year period, so reflect whatever I was feeling at the time and vary in content accordingly. I don't actually like posting stuff such as this, just because I don't really feel comfortable talking about it, as contradictory as that sounds. So enjoy it, make of them what you will, but please leave out the awkward questioning.
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Grace
You linger in my thoughts and in my sleep
When I drink and when I eat
In my nightmares and in my dreams
Every time I talk, every time I breathe
I’m so close and yet so far
Are we together or are we apart?
Are we a part of something bigger then this?
Bigger then this ‘love’ that’s only seen through the mist
Do you realise how hard it is
Walking up these lonely stairs,
Knowing that when you reach the top
There’s going to be no-one there that cares?
Friends is maybe all we’re supposed to be
The truth is, you’ll never be close to me
I feel you should have made the most of me
Regret it when the world decides to dispose of me
But the game has been settled, I’ve heard the score
The rejections have hurt I can’t take many more
I have lost, I have lost and furthermore,
I don’t want to wake up on my own anymore
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The Only Way To Cross The River Of Fire Is By Drowning
Your heart has fallen for a love
It’s going to have to forget
Come into the midst of love
And look from where you first met
Even if you were blessed with beauty
Your insecurities are too great
They will hunt you down and make you fail
To find your eternal mate
This intoxication is your beauty’s fault
Your love is my entire life
You already knew it was over
So why go through the strife?
She’s moved on and is perfectly happy
And now you must do the same
So my smile continues to deceive the world
But that doesn’t heal the pain…
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Second Best
If only you could see the irony in your words
You would not say what you do
We spend hours talking and laughing
Endless days comforting you when he’s away
But soon as he is back
You forget I ever existed
I take solace in the fact I’ve been here before
Waiting for him to leave again
And for you to come back to me
Love me out of desire, not consolation
The love that last longest is the one that is unreturned
It’s not the despair that kills you, it’s the hope.
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A Pure Drop In An Ocean Of Noise
Can’t wait ‘till I’m gone, can rest in peace
Live forever without the stress and grief
Can’t push my feelings aside, I’ve died inside
No point trying to swim against the rising tide
The constant pressure, I’m under siege
Everyone waiting for me to under achieve
As the days go on, people come and go
Too many times, saying goodbye before hello
I feel defeated, beaten and filled with sin
Only person in the race and still won’t win
I feel ugly, bored, tired and sick
I want to stop breathing, I’m dying to quit.
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Vodka & Vicodin
So I continue to hurt myself
It’s no more then I deserve
I go back to my oldest friend
The drink, I could never swerve
I lost everyone that ever loved me
Chased away anyone that cared
I go back to the only thing I have,
The ugly drug to which I’m snared
I’m sick of following my dreams
Tired of reaching out for greater
I’ll ask them where they’re going
And catch up with them later
Some days I see a pool of blood
And imagine myself lying in it.
But I know, living in misery sucks
Marginally less then dying in it
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I Know Enough To Know I Don’t Know Much
We talk all night but I don’t hear your voice
I don’t feel you near me, it’s not my choice
I don’t get to see you smiling at what I said
We talk all night but sleep in different beds
Our love is unspoken in a broken heart
We’ve both lost the time to play the part
And if this were a movie, we’d find a way
Yet here in real life, I have no lines to say
I’m vile and depraved; I know where I stand
I can’t be saved, so please remove your hand
Push you away; hope you discover who you are
I don’t deserve you, I’d only bring you scars
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