In The Real World

As you might have been able to tell by my last post, the last couple of days have not been the best in my life. In fact, you could go as far as to saying, they have been some of the worst. Conversations I could have gone through my whole life without, and the likes of which I hope to never go through again. All confidence has been sucked out of me, feel insignificant and insecure. The lack of football during the weekend has not helped either, only left endless time for me to wander inside my own thoughts, dangerous place at times. So I was fully expecting to come on here and let a bit of steam off, and rip into a few issues. However, the events of today have kind of flipped that notion on its head. Today has been a good day. A much needed one.

It actually started off pretty bad in fairness, but I guess things always get worse before they get better. The rut kind of ended when I went into town with one of my best friends. He just gets me, we have an understanding and connection, like I have with no one else. I need his voice and presence in my life every now and again. I can be happy with him even when we're talking about depressing matters. We talk a lot. And I like to listen into his life, takes the thoughts away from my own. Without giving too much away, town today with just the two of us was pretty awkward and funny. Had fun. Before I could get home and tweet I was hungry, I was back out with him, going to eat. Went to a new place, which made quite a nice change from the five straight days of Maryland.

Just when my evening looked like taking a turn for the worse without TV or a film to settle in with, she called me. It was a pleasant surprise, as I was definitely not expecting it. It erased some fears. We've not spoken in quite a while, I actually don't remember the last time, so it was nice hearing her voice again and being able to smile and laugh together. On that note, I'm going to Birmingham on Thursday, which is very exciting. First time we're seeing each other since our week in Crewe, and for the first time since our situation has changed. I bought two t-shirts last week, which one do you think I should wear? I'm leaning more towards the black one myself, just because think it goes better with the rest of my outfit!

Tonight, my little situation was put into perspective. I found out that my old art teacher's husband past away today. They also had a little daughter together. It just kind of shocks you, as this was the first I'd heard of it and was all so sudden. She posted pictures of the three of them together all the time, I didn't know them but I had met her husband and daughter in class. It just makes you think, you're so encapsulated in your own little lives and problems, that you don't even really consider anything else. We've known each other under a year, and we may no longer be together, but I can still talk to her or see her. And I feel like shit. They were married for over ten years, and she nor her daughter no longer have the same luxuries. Can't begin to imagine their pain.

I had quite a weird dream the other day. I'm not much of a dreamer but recently they been coming to me more regularly. This one was quite interesting, so much so, as soon as I woke up I wrote it down in my phone. It went something along the lines of our whole lives are there to portray someone else's. And everyone I know plays a different role. I'm just a small role in the bigger movie. To clarify, I played myself in a biographic about someone else. Whilst living my life and coming to the end of playing my part (the present day), it dawned on me how much of a small role I actually played in this persons life, who I know and considered to be relatively close to. I know, told you was kind of a weird concept, but rather interesting.

I kind of changed the look of this shiz, was getting bored of the old one. Hope you like it, know that some of you won't. Won't be long till I'm bored of this one too.

Thought/Quote/Lyric of the Day...

"If you fight, you might lose. But if you don't fight, then you have already lost".

"Within you, I lose myself. Without you, I find myself wanting to be lost again".

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