You Won't Know

Hey, hey, hey, Mr. Hangman, go get your rope.

Well now that I'm fueled up on Coke lets get started. I almost had a heart attack last night when I got in and realised that the fuse box had fucked up and left me with no T.V or Internet. It was a good thing I was pretty tired and so got to sleep pretty quickly, but it did feel odd waking up in the morning and not reaching for the laptop, disrupted the whole routine. Thankfully, a lovely man came over and fixed it this afternoon. It was down for less than 24 hours and I had already ran out of things to do with myself, quite scary really, makes you wonder.

I received some good news today that I had been waiting a long time for... Jake Morris has started a blog! After Christopher Nolan, there is no one elses mind I'd rather go into. His first post already had some interesting thoughts, some which I may come back to later. This after Andi had also started a blog (his being a little more unique to say the least!). It only keeps me more occupied, I now get to read Jake's, Andi's and this girl's that I secretly stalk. It doesn't help that I check her Facebook profile every five minutes aswell. I also now officially have my first follower, it's only taken 21 posts. Can't stop me!

Now even if I lay my head down at night, after a day I got perfectly right, she won't know.

I'm hating being at home, I miss the uni lifestyle and the people so much it hurts. I guess you don't realise how much you miss someone until they're not there. Also, I don't know if it's just me or what, but these dude's have become hilarious over summer, I can't stop laughing at some of the comments they come out with. I've kind of become stuck in this routine of a life, and I am very bored, ready for a drastic change. In September not only is it the return of University, but also my homeboys; House, Dexter, Chuck, Castle. Dead. Excited.

The Football season has started and the the Premier League is just around the corner. What a lovely way to kick it all off with the Community Shield. That optimism I talked about has only grown after what was another great performance. Scholes is a god, simple as that. Hernandez made it four in four games, after two in the World Cup, and all the hype and excitement about him is justified. I was really happy for Berbatov aswell, it topped off what has been a good pre season for him. As you may know, not everyone shares my affection for him, but the manager and the players know how important he is, which is the main thing. I was also pleased to see Carrick playing, I was a little disappointed after thinking he would miss the beginning of the season. Another one that has come in for some criticism but I love watching him play.

And I wish that I could tell you right now, I love you, but it looks like I won't be around, so you won't know.

One thing that has been slightly annoying me recently is all the people on Facebook, becoming religious all of a sudden now that it's Ramadan. Like you can just do what the fuck you like for 11 months as longs as you're 'a good muslim' for a month. It just feels like it's the done thing to do and everyone accepts it, it's bollocks. I'm not religious at all, I would like to have more faith than I do, I would like to believe that something bigger and better than us is out there, but the truth is I don't. I fast because I agree with the principles and sometimes go along with things because it's easier to avoid confrontation, doesn't mean I go around bragging and looking down at people. I was going to post something along these lines as a status, but I thought it wasn't worth the backlash.

Something a good friend of mine, Oscar, said today has been swirling around in my head. It was this idea of how something that brings you so much joy, could also cause you so much pain at the same time. I find this to be very true. And the truth is I fuck up everything really, no matter how badly I want it, I won't allow myself to have it, so end up hurting the people you love the most. I thought I was a good person, but come to realise that I am not, just know that I do it all for you. "I get anxious about a lot of things, that's the trouble. I get anxious about everything. I just can't stop thinking about things all the time. And here's the really destructive part - it's always retrospective. I waste time thinking of what I should have said or done. I can't bear going through the same fucking dance of despair."

'Cause you're so good at talking smack, you heart attack, but you're the apple of my eye anyway.

Though/Quote/Lyric of the day...
"Cos since I've come on home, well my body's been a mess
And I've missed your ginger hair and the way you like to dress
Won't you come on over, stop making a fool out of me
Why won't you come on over Valerie?"

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